Okay so after trying to see Mars in my binoculars last night I've decided its time to buy a telescope for my boy and i to play with on the odd occasion.
Im looking to use it for some simple star and planet gazing (it would be cool if you could see a planet outline at least, if thats possible?) but would also like to try and maybe use it as a long range binocular. For example to spot whales a km away in the bay of Middleton beach

It would also be cool if i could somehow take a photo with it as like a huge tele lens? (If i need a particular camera that would be cool)
Lastly portable enough that it is easy enough to take on holidays

Maybe if i could also get it to make my bed and massage my neck, that would also be great

Just thought id ask for a recommendation or at least a point in the right direction. I understand optics quality is important too but don't want to take out a small loan either

Thanks..