Collingwood Jokes 
(a couple of dud jokes... a few good ones... the last 2 are good).
Q. What do you do for a drowning Collingwood player?
A. Nothing. You could drag him to the top but he'll choke anyway.
Q. Whats the difference between Collingwood and an arsonist?
A. An arsonist wouldnt waste 22 matches.
Collingwood are bringing out a new bra! Plenty of support, soft and no CUP!!!
Did you hear that the Post Office has had to recall their latest stamps? They had pictures of Collingwood players on them. People couldnt figure out which side too spit on!
Did you hear about the politician who was found dead in a Collingwood jersey? The police had to dress him up in womens underwear in order to save his family from the embarrasment.
Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says, accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside is numbered. The second one says, Nah librarians are best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'The third surgeon says, Try electricians. Everything inside them is color coded. The forth surgeon says, I prefer Collingwood players. Theyre heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and bums are interchangeable.
A man meets a friend and sees that his friends car is a total write-off and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend'. Whats happened to your car? Well, the friend responds, I ran over Nathan Buckley says the man, that explains the blood ... what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and dirt? Well, he tried to escape through the park.?
Q. If you see a Collingwood supporter on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A. It could be your bicycle!
Q. What do Collingwood supporters and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being!
Q. What do you have when 100 Collingwood supporters are buried up to the necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand!
Q. Whats the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead Collingwood supporter on the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog!
Q. Youre trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a Collingwood supporter. You have a gun and two bullets. What do you do?
A. Shoot the Collingwood supporter twice!
Q. How many Collingwood fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Seven ? One to change it, five to moan about it and make excuses and Mick Malthouse to say that if the umpire had done his job in the xxx place the light bulb would never had gone out!
Q. Whats the difference between a female Collingwood supporter and a pit-bull?
A. The lipstick!
Q. Santa Clause, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Collingwood supporter, and an old drunk are walking down the street together when the simultaneously spot a $100 note. Who gets it?
A. The drunk of course because the other three are mythical creatures!
Q. What is black and xxx and looks good on a Collingwood supporter?
A. A Doberman!
Q. What do Collingwood supporters use for birth control?
A. Their personalities!
Q. What is the difference between a Collingwood supporter and a trampoline?
A. You would take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!
Q. What do you call 5000 dead Collingwood supporters at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start!
A Collingwood supporter dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Collingwood jumper. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St Peter in a St Kilda scarf. Hello, mate,'says St Peter, I am sorry, no Collingwood fans in heaven. What? exclaims the man, astonished. You heard. No Collingwood fans. But, but, but, Ive been a good man, replies the Collingwood supporter. Oh, really?'says St Peter. What have you done then? Well, says the guy, three weeks before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the starving children in Africa, I also gave 20 bucks to the homeless. Hmmm. Anything else? Yeah. A week before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the Albanian orphans. Okay, say St Peter, you wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor. Ten minutes pass before St Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eyes and says, ive had a word with God and he agrees with me. Heres your sixty bucks back, now PISS OFF!
You know you're a Collingwood Supporter when...
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth that your wife does.
2. You let your twelve year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You''ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people.?
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rests rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: Hey, watch this.?
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan one ruined your wifes hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: Carn the Pies.?
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can'tt get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
15. You think the loaded dishwasher means you wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.
Q. Two Collingwood supporters jump off a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society
Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use for protection during sex?
A. Bus Shelter
Q. What do you call a thirty year old female Collingwood supporter?
A. Granny
Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant
Q. What do you call a female Collingwood fan in a tracksuit?
A. The bride
Q. What is the xxx question during a Collingwood supporter Quiz night?
A. What you looking at?
Q. Two Collingwood fans are in a car without any music playing. Who is driving?
A. The policeman
Q. What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
A. Big Mac please.
Q. Whats the difference between a male Collingwood supporter and a female Collingwood supporter?
A. A female Collingwood supporter has a higher sperm count.
Three Collingwood supporters were walking back from the MCG when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of Jolimont Road. They stopped and discovered a nude female unconscious and near death so one of them phoned the police and the also requested an ambulance.
Out of respect and propriety, the Eagles fan took off his cap and placed it over one of the females breasts.
The Dockers fan took of his cap and placed it over the other breast.
Following their lead, but with great reluctance, the Collingwood fan took off his cap and place it over her girly part.
The police arrived xxx and an officer began to conduct the investigation. xxx he lifted up the Eagles cap, replaced it and made an entry into his notebook. Next, he lift up the Dockers cap and replaced , making more notes in his book. Then the office lifted the Collingwood cap, replaced it, lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time and replaced it one last time shaking his head in disbelief.
The Collingwood fan was extremely annoyed and challenged him, What are you, a pervert or something mate? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?
Well, said the officer, Im a little surprised and confused. Normally, when you look under a Collingwood cap you''ll find an asshole.
http://www.logisticforums.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=15730
