WA
4642 posts
Subject: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered
by an English professor from the University of Phoenix.
The professor told his class one day, "Today we will experiment with a new
form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair
off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework
tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You
will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me.
The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to
the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first
person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Rememb er
to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story
coherent. There is to be absolutely no talking outside of the e-mails and
anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over
when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his students, Rebecca and
Gary.
THE STORY
(1st paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off
Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too
much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.
(2nd paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now
in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic b * mbo named Laurie with whom he had
spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign
of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle BEAM
FLASHED out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The
jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the
cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmer s of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel, "Laurie read in her newspaper
one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly
and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from
her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why
must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she wondered wistfully.
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of
miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched the first of its
lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth
a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to
destroy the human r ace. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the
Anudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to
pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly
initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the
atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing
partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F**KING TEA ???! Oh no,
WHAT AM I to do? I'm such an air headed b * mbo who reads too many Danielle
Steele novels!"
(Rebecca)
As * hole
(Gary)
B * tch
(Rebecca)
F$%^ YOU, YOU NEANDERTHAL!
(Gary)
Go drink some tea, wh * re.
(TEACHER)
A+ . . . I really liked this one.
