Sorry for your loss NG, never easy mate.

My sympathy on the loss of your grandmother. I lost both of my parents at an early age, there was absolutely nothing I could do about it so I learnt the art of accepting the things you cannot change when i was only young. I think that death is a part of living, natural like the leaves falling from the trees and I feel appreciative to have had the people I have lost in my life to lose. I like to reminisce about the good times and lessons passed onto me from my parents when they were alive rather then the sad things that happened when they died. I don't know what happened to them spiritually once they died, I like to think that if they were watching over me from somewhere that they would be proud of who I am today, I like to think that in a way they live on in me.

I don't know whether this will help or not. I hope so.

For many many years I was a devout atheist. I tried, believe me, to find some sort of credibility in the mumbo jumbo that was rammed down my throat over too many years in religious schools.

Then I had a glimpse of the divine. It would be a huge exaggeration to call it an epiphany but the results were the same. I had suffered from relentless depression brought on by post traumatic stress. After confronting the issues, which was a very long and emotional affair, I experienced this "realisation" that not only would I never be depressed again but that I would experience eternity.

This happened two years ago. Since then I have not been depressed and my outlook is one of eagerness. I am very much at peace with myself, something I am very very grateful for as my life was a turbid mess.

I am by no means an authority but I have embarked on a spiritual journey which involves a lot of reading and a lot of listening and a lot of meditation.

I am currently reading Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now. In it he makes reference to many spiritual teachers, Jesus of Nazareth, Mohammed, the Budda. One of the most striking quotes he deals with is by St Paul:

"Everything is shown up by being exposed to the light, and whatever is exposed to the light itself becomes light."

I am also in communication with a friend of mine who has just published a book on Kindle and Amazon, Sense and Nonsense from the Psychic World by Francis Lionet. It is well worthwhile reading.

All of this has completely altered my attitude toward death which was once quite a morbid subject for me. It has certainly made it easier for me to deal with the death of my parents and for me to accept that when my time comes I can do so in peace.

Hope that helps a bit!

Energy never goes it dissipates and Carrys on its all around us every breath you breath every step you take your ancestors are there walking beside you they are there that's why music and smells stay familiar the scent of flowers in a room are long there after the flowers are not best wishes and sorry to hear about your loss

About six years ago I had three family members all die within the same year. I spent the next few years thinking that I was next. it's been really strange, but it has helped me get a bit of perspective on my finite existence. I think you only live once and don't think there is an afterlife. I'd like to think that we are reincarnated in some form. The relatives I had are now no longer there - I don't miss a day when I don't think about them.

My wife works in a nursing home for very well to do patients who are dying. She looks after surgeons, engineers, scientists and others who have made immense contributions to our society. The stories she tells me of what they've become and how they are treated is quite confronting. It's like their suffering is swept away but also prolonged by our societies desire to keep the dying alive at all costs.

It's not death that's difficult for me to cope with, it's the way in which you go that frightens me now. Some people will fight it to the very last breath, some people just go with the flow, others just drop off from the earth in an instant. What I've learnt in the past few years is that you really don't have too much control over it. I hope I go quick.

Very sad story on todays news in Melbourne on this subject - brought a wee tear to my eye:

I think loved ones who die are where we want them to be.

My dad passed away a few years ago, I was in a good place with him before he died.
I know he's in a good place now - he's with us every day.
The important thing is to have no unresolved issues, then we can survive these losses and have only good, positive memories.

dinsdale said...

japie said...
"Everything is shown up by being exposed to the light, and whatever is exposed to the light itself becomes light."

Chapter and verse?? You should have gone straight to source. You'd have seen that he said no such thing. The best lies are the ones with the most truth in them.

"Why do some Christians promote the Bible as if it were a seamless document of infallibly reliable truth? It is no such thing. The New Testament alone is full of gaps where bits have been edited out and others have been slipped in. It is also replete with insertions that were written anything from tens to hundreds of years after the preceding and following verses. If an equivalent text were submitted as a bona fide, reliable historical document of an event from, say, the 14th Century, it would be laughed out of court." Francis Lionet

"The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully." Richard Dawkins

And Mark Twain: “Our Bible reveals to us the character of our god with minute and remorseless exactness… It is perhaps the most damnatory biography that exists in print anywhere. It makes Nero an angel of light and leading by contrast.”

Newguy postsed a heartfelt query about death. Why, Dins old buddy, do you see fit to try and turn the thread into a discussion on theology? I have no interest in that.

And here comes the problem with rligion[}:)]

www.huffpost.com/entry/does-death-exist-new-theo_b_384515

What is a persons sole? I have been told the sole can never die. If your sole is your personality, my dog has more sole than most.

I think a humans life is no different to the rest of living species on this planet. You die, you get eaten, game over.

I am very sad for the newguy's loss. I lost my mum 20 years ago and have never gotten over it. It can bring my to tears at anytime

newguy said...

What happened to our loved ones after when they passed away? A family member I was really close to passed away at the start of the year. I never got to say good bye as she was overseas. Compounding this was the fact she died with no medical help spending months in pain and misery. All I could do was look things up on the net or help as best I could in terms of passing on my knowledge. My parents went over and told me how she'd change from a bubbling healthy grandmother to skin and bones and hallucinating and not eating.

As the first death in our family it hit us all pretty hard. I still have the occasional nightmare and certain songs on the radio get a lump in my throat. But I am moving on slowly although I can't say that about my mum. I guess anonymity makes it easy for one to express how they feel. I find it hard talking about this stuff and even harder trying to help mum through it.

So my question was a random thought that if we knew where our loved ones went when they are gone. Maybe even being able to communicate with them like they are on another distant world. Would it make things more easier? Or would people still grieve as much? Would death be so exemplified in the news or would it become just everyday 'matters of fact'? Would shark attacks be as sensationalised too?

There's life and then there's death, it's the thread that binds us all, from the plants to the ants.
Respect all life, because it doesn't last.

It hurts people (me) to confront reality and they try and distract themselves from the knowledge that everyone's time will one day be up and then when it happens.. it's shock and awe.

Accept the facts, enjoy your time in the play ground and help others enjoy their time.

As for death? That's something I'm happy to wait for.

newguy said...

What happened to our loved ones after when they passed away? A family member I was really close to passed away at the start of the year. I never got to say good bye as she was overseas. Compounding this was the fact she died with no medical help spending months in pain and misery. All I could do was look things up on the net or help as best I could in terms of passing on my knowledge. My parents went over and told me how she'd change from a bubbling healthy grandmother to skin and bones and hallucinating and not eating.

As the first death in our family it hit us all pretty hard. I still have the occasional nightmare and certain songs on the radio get a lump in my throat. But I am moving on slowly although I can't say that about my mum. I guess anonymity makes it easy for one to express how they feel. I find it hard talking about this stuff and even harder trying to help mum through it.

So my question was a random thought that if we knew where our loved ones went when they are gone. Maybe even being able to communicate with them like they are on another distant world. Would it make things more easier? Or would people still grieve as much? Would death be so exemplified in the news or would it become just everyday 'matters of fact'? Would shark attacks be as sensationalised too?

My sympathy on the loss of your grandmother,
I lost both my parents at their age of 66 mum osteoporosis and dad a brain tumor and a slow death after radio therapy...

Every one grieves their different ways...
Me I am very empathic ...but was very matter a fact about my mums death
and dad was in so much pain I was happy his torment was over.
I nearly died myself a few years back so I am pretty matter a fact over death
but feel a great empathy for people that are so very devastated over the loss of a friend or family member...
Like this morning hearing about a WA hockey player Lizzie Watkins I really do feel sad for the family....
And If I stop for a minute in my busy life..I do feel the people who have passed before me not so very far away...whether thats just me or something else...I won't know till I get there

chrispychru said...

when my mum passed i did not deal with it well. i missed her so much. she was my friend,my confidante,she was my mentor and i wanted her back so much. junkies,thieves and murderers all living a longer life than her. i started to hate. in the end i started to realise that i mourned not so much that she had passed,more that i missed her. i mourned for my own selfishness to be with her. i will always miss you granny grunt and know my tears are now filled with pride,happiness and joy that you were my mum.

I've been lucky enough not to have experienced the grief that many of you have, although I've lost grandparents, they had full lives & as has been mentioned, their wakes were celebrations with those family gatherings that only happen on those sort of occasions and reminiscing of the fun times with them.

It's very complex, but when I think of death, I have a clear picture my kids/wife/family/friends grieving. The sadness in (especially) my kids faces hits my emotional nerve big time & creates a fear that I don't like the feeling of, not actually death itself. This may change if/when I come to the realisation that death is close, which I hope it isn't for a while yet - too much living to do yet!

I guess taking that in, you need to put yourself in the shoes of the lost one, they wouldn't want you to grieve on the basis that you miss them...I know I wouldn't! If I knew that my family could work through their grief when I'm gone and return to their happy/carefree lives, it would help me to not 'fear' death at all.

Wish you all the best doggie

Death has very little meaning.

(that statement looks horrible next to my username and avatar. it's not meant to)