The Labor party today announced that it is going to change the Australian emblem from an emu and a kangaroo to a condom. This is because it reflects the Labor party¡¦s political status more accurately. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a whole bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of satisfaction when you¡¦re really being f***ed!!!

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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
2 liters of milk
A carton of eggs
1 liter of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A jar of coffee
1kg of bacon

As she was unloading her items onto the conveyer belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed her items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, ¡§You must be single.¨
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigues by the derelicts intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the conveyer belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selection that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said ... Well you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?¨

The drunk replied, ¡§Cause your f***ing ugly!!!¡¨

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Arthur Davidson, the inventor of Harley Davidson motorcycles, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, since you have been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is that you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven. Arthur thought about this for a moment and naturally he then said,
I want to hang out with God.¨

So St. Peter then took Arthur to the throne room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur immediately and commented, Okay, so you're the one who invented Harley Davidson motorcycles?¨

Arthur then replied, Yes that's me.¨

God then said, Well, what¡¦s the big deal in inventing something that¡¦s pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, takes lives, and can¡¦t run without a road?¡¨

Arthur was apparently embarrassed by this proclamation, but he finally said to God, Excuse me, but are you not the inventor of the woman?¨

God replied Yes¨

Well,¨ said Arthur, professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. Theres too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions
2. It chatters consistently at high speeds
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!¨

Hmmmmmm, you have raised some good points there,¨ replied God, Just hold on for one moment.¨

God went to his celestial super computer that knew everything about the world and typed in a few words, then waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

¡§Well, it may be true that me invention is flawed,¡¨ God said to Arthur, ¡§but according these numbers, more men are riding my invention that yours!!!¡¨