A lady friend sent me this somewhat ill-concieved advice for men, so I thought I'd return the favour
Old old old - see the Nine words 1st, then Dr Ian's reply
Nine words women use...
1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something,
and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing
usually end in fine.
4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing
with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman
can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say
you're welcome.
8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!
9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but
is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's
wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.
Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can
avoid if they remember the terminology.
OK...
I think the big error here is that women are assuming that we blokes are listening in the 1st place!?
It goes like this:
She says: "Honey, you know I was just thinking about a really nice garden feature we could put in next to the patio and... blah blah blah"... (You get the idea - BTW we in this instance means, he will do it, she will tell how bad he has done it - that is sharing the task apparently).
He hears: "Honey, you know I was just thinking about.." (sh1t she's gonna find work for me to do while the footy is on - I better nod and say "oh really? Yeah sounds good darl" a few times, might have to look away from the footy and pretend I am listening carefully... crickey that chic in the Hahn beer add has a great rack.... oh yeah "your right darl, I'd love to do that some time soon"... awesome rack, really awesome, I almost remember what they were like... bloody hell she is still on about something, can't she tell the footy is on??).
Here is some sagely advice for those starved of magnificent testosterone:
Rule #1 You always tell us blokes we a cr*p at multi tasking, so why do you bring cr*p like this up when we are focused on the one great task (watching the mighty Eagles regain their champion status) for the weekend? Follow your own observations here ladies.
Rule #2 Remember the reaction to the Hahn beer ad with hooters? Getting your kit off is your only hope to truly engage a bloke with his team playing footy. Even then you may have to wait until half time. Be patient and understanding here ladies, it is you trying to make the poor male multi-task after all. Soften the blow by perhaps easing into it with some dip n chips action. Never goes astray even though really it should be a standard set-up for any footy game. Now ladies please keep a handle on yopur blood pressure as it going to get harder from here.
Rule #3 If you are truly desperate for attention you will need desperate measures. Yes the big guns. A HJ might be required. If you can remeber that far back to the last time you performed this truly great act of benelovance that will help. Otherwise try to imagine you have you favourite ice cream at hand and approach accordingly. It does have a downside though. He obviously won't understand a word you are saying with your mouth full, and he will still be able to watch the footy. Blood pressure ladies... those protruding veins on your face and neck will not help in the attraction stakes.
If women could only appreciate these subtle differances in communication technique we would all be better off.
My bill for this advice will be in the mail. However alternative payment can be arranged if you note the advice in Rule #3. ;-)
Women are so violent these days..
Cheers,
Dr Ian
