Following on from the best and worst purchases thread, how about some confessions of when you have said something and instantly wished you hadnt. The old " oh so when are you due?" ....and the chick isnt pregnant kinda thing.

My latest cracker -

Girl : " Hey, do you know this guy, Joe bloggs?"

Me : " nah, why? Did you get some jiggy jig on the weekend?"

Girl : " No, he died."

Awkward.

My favourite farkup. Done it twice. Beer talking.

In a room with mixed company I blurt

"Why the hell do chicks get tattoos. Ya not gunna make the female body look better covering it with ink. Bloody biological vandalism."

Then pretty much every women in the room yells "Oh!! I got a secret tatt on my arse, Does that mean I'm gross!!!!!!

Never been able to talk my way out of that one. One lady hasn't spoken to me for 5 years.

Just don't like tatts on chicks. Might be something to do with a bad experience I had as a teenager.

Scary thought. In 30 years old 1000's of old women will have tattoos and rap music will be the golden oldies.

R0CKH0PPER said...

Following on from the best and worst purchases thread, how about some confessions of when you have said something and instantly wished you hadnt. The old " oh so when are you due?" ....and the chick isnt pregnant kinda thing.

My latest cracker -

Girl : " Hey, do you know this guy, Joe bloggs?"

Me : " nah, why? Did you get some jiggy jig on the weekend?"

Girl : " No, he died."

Awkward.

So she is single, and got none on the weekend? And maybe grieving?

Opening if I ever saw one. Geez man

Gwendy said...
My favourite farkup. Done it twice. Beer talking.

In a room with mixed company I blurt

"Why the hell do chicks get tattoos. Ya not gunna make the female body look better covering it with ink. Bloody biological vandalism."

Then pretty much every women in the room yells "Oh!! I got a secret tatt on my arse, Does that mean I'm gross!!!!!!

Never been able to talk my way out of that one. One lady hasn't spoken to me for 5 years.

Just don't like tatts on chicks. Might be something to do with a bad experience I had as a teenager.

Scary thought. In 30 years old 1000's of old women will have tattoos and rap music will be the golden oldies.

One of my fav's is to ask a chick if she has any tatts. If she says 'yes' then I'll ask for a look. Never missed a peek yet. They love showing them.

Bloke says "so how long have you got to go"(meaning how long till the baby's born)

Chick says "i'm not pregnant"

Bloke thinks "####"

Have heard this cracker twice by both sexes, not a convo starter, never assume, wait to be told, they might just be fat.

This isn't hard. I still think about it 20 years later.

My friend's girlfriend turned up at a party and I said to her, why are you wearing a face mask, unaware of her skin condition.

I've done the prego sheila thing.
It goes like this.

"So when are you due ?"

"Actually, I gave birth last week"

Awkward.

Whilst we're on the subject of babies, and i swear this is true!

A mate of mine is a bit feral. After the birth of his first, he goes to the doc..."I'll give you a twenty if you whack an extra stitch in?" Obviously the doc had heard this one before...

In the surgery ward a couple of years later after the second he goes - "make it a fifty if you whack that extra stitch in this time?"

By this time his wife was getting a bit embarrassed about the comments.

They actually have 4 kids but I remember his wife telling me about the 3rd. After the birth, the doctor whom had the time over the years to get to know the mate decides to grow a sense of humour and asks..."I guess that you'll offer me 100 bucks this time if I whack that extra stitch in?"

To which my mate's wife swears his answer was -

"Na doc, this time you might as well sew the fkn thing up - I won't be going near it again!"

My mother in laws beloved dog died and she had it cremated,its ashes are in an urn.
She was telling me this during after dinner drinks.
What was the dogs name, I ask
Sooty , she replied.
I laughed ,tried to hide it, but then I had beer coming out my nose.
She was not amused.
On the upside she diddnt talk to me for nearly six months

fingerbone said...
My mother in laws beloved dog died and she had it cremated,its ashes are in an urn.
She was telling me this during after dinner drinks.
What was the dogs name, I ask
Sooty , she replied.
I laughed ,tried to hide it, but then I had beer coming out my nose.
She was not amused.
On the upside she diddnt talk to me for nearly six months

Oh my

You win!!!!

I am glad I swallowed my beer before I read that

boofy said...
Leaving my ex- missus in her black bikini on a lonely beach at Narooma with her friend while my mate and I going spearfishing for an hour or two then coming back in and seeing a black bikini swim past and grabbing the owner on the tit. The owner of the tit kicking spluttering screaming obscenities at me like my husband will kill you etc. She was to traumatised for me to explain to her I thought she was my missus super awkward

Im very fond of this story as it involves ( . Y . ) and some grabbing

Im sure she sees the funny side now boof

doggie said...

boofy said...
Leaving my ex- missus in her black bikini on a lonely beach at Narooma with her friend while my mate and I going spearfishing for an hour or two then coming back in and seeing a black bikini swim past and grabbing the owner on the tit. The owner of the tit kicking spluttering screaming obscenities at me like my husband will kill you etc. She was to traumatised for me to explain to her I thought she was my missus super awkward

Im very fond of this story as it involves ( . Y . ) and some grabbing

Im sure she sees the funny side now boof

Doggie I knew within a millisecond it felt wrong when I grabbed it. She was heaps older than us and I felt terrible, she was wrapped in a towel with her family when we left. I always wonder if she told her hubby what had happened maybe the 6 foot speargun put him off giving me a smack in the head anyway got a good campfire story out of it

... when I realised that I criticized WAKSA for not seeking volunteers that were desperatley needed, by posting specifics in the forum...and then I saw that they actually had done just that!

www.seabreeze.com.au/forums/Kitesurfing/General/CALL-FOR-VOLUNTEERS/

But hey, the volunteers are still needed, I'm sure any volunteers from other water sports disciplines would be well appreciated!

If you've ever been kite-curious, lending a hand at any of the events would be a good insight.

I while back I was playing golf and at the bar with beers in hand I said,Cheers big ears and fk me the first guy I cheered had the biggest ears I've ever seen

I started sleeping with the daughter of someone really powerful in my industry. Everyone knew his super hot model daughter and that she was out of bounds.
Me, being the idiot I am, started having a bit of fun with her and have her stay over at my place and keeping it all on the down low.
Anyway we both had those little Nokia phones (quite a few years ago - before we all had iPhones) and I woke up at about 5am in the morning to MY phone ringing on the bedside table (so I thought). She was happily asleep next to me after somewhat of a crazy night.
"hello?" I said
"Is that Mackerel?" asked the person on the other end. I immediately knew who it was and wondered if he was calling about his daughter.
"morning Frank, it's pretty early mate - what's up?"
He said "just wondering if you've seen my daughter?"
I said "na mate why would you ask me that?"
"well I just called her phone and you answered..."
Man did I freak.

kiteboy dave said...
Went back to hospital to visit my wife morning after our (first) child born. She had a great room by herself, bed next to the window with a view from high up. We were both pretty worn out after 2 day labour and being most of those 2 nights.

I say "Well at least he didn't rip you a new one..." and my wife gets a funny look and starts waving a bit, but I'm determined to finish my sentence ".. and he's got 10 fingers and toes, how great is that!". By now my wife is bouncing up and down on the bed waving her arms everywhere and moving her mouth quite a lot but no sound is coming out.. It's like watching someone trying to tell their deaf mate about the bear behind them.

Eventually I come to understand that the curtained off section of the room I'd blindly walked past on the way in contains another new mother. With a grade 4 tear from x to y. Who's child has some serious health issues. And who has spent the past 8 hours sobbing to herself about it.

Beyond awkward.

Haha talking of child birth. When my kids were born the nurse said all that and no tearing. I said oh that's a shame as i was hoping for a few extra stitches

Done it twice now and got a similar result both times

I guess that get it faily often[}:)]