dealing with 'mates' who will bring u down

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busterwa
busterwa
3782 posts
3782 posts
6 Mar 2009 3:00am
im sorry people but u have lost alot of friends and divided my self up with people who i can learn of or people who are dumb
my problem this evening was a close friend came over.
he was pissy driving and offered me bongs
i have drunken a nice bottle of margreat river wine and all he wanted to do was make me go pissy drive and pick up some drugs.

i explaied that i would not pissy drive i and i explained to him that my life was over and i do no ascosiate with people who drink drive or do drugs thats a part of my life i wist to forget and place in the past
' i offered my friend a swag and told him that it was in his best interstes if he does not continue drive but does stay and sleep in my swag until he sobers up
this particualr "friend has lost his misses lost his liscence already '
upon leaving i told him that i disaprove of his actions he is more than welcome to camp out in my swag and not drive
as he was nearly out my drive way i told him that unfortunatly i dont condone his actions and that i continually find myself building a brick wall up against people who were a bad infulence.
i stated that he needed to change his lifestyle and that i genrally wil build a brick wall up against people and friends now who continually breech the law and my friendship
i find myself one friend down but at the end of the day i feel that if i keep on hanging around people who are a bad influence i will end up in the ****

im sorry people but i have lost a good friend mabe oneday when he understands that life isnt about drinking piss and smoking drugs. i have chosen not to answer his calls or reply to his messages

im sorry pople but if i dont address these issues i will end up being a bad person like him ''

some people u meet in this world will help you some people will bring u down

anyhow i dont care windsurfn kitesurf the ability to meet a new comunity has changed my life i thank everyone
so far these forums have provide me with the eductaion that will be benificatial not detramental to my life
im gona end up distancing myself from freinds but unfortunatly its better that way i choose life

point is i have like distanced myself from people who are a bad infulence and now i have no friends but unfortuantly its a large step forward for me ,windsurfing has changed my life
if he left my house and killed someone cause he is irresponcible i couldnt live with the fact that i let him drive if i tried to stop him hed probally punch me in the head

if he left my house and ran over someones young kid i could not live with myself
this person although he is s very close friend is a bad influence and will not be welcome over my house in future.
Mobydisc
Mobydisc
NSW
9029 posts
NSW, 9029 posts
6 Mar 2009 8:03am
Sounds like you are really trying your best to help your friend. Most people act a bit stupid some of the time and some people act a bit stupid most of the time. You gave your mate a reasonable choice.

I was listening to the radio yesterday and a former WA policeman was talking about verbal judo. Basically he was saying you should not use 'natural language' when dealing with verbal conflict as this usually leads to ongoing conflict. So when someone is agitated and annoyed its no good to tell them to calm down. He suggested its better to ask them how are they doing and get them to explain why they are acting the way they are. If in the future you can encourage your friend to make better choices you will be seen as a true friend.

Best of luck.
poor relative
poor relative
WA
9106 posts
WA, 9106 posts
6 Mar 2009 8:15am
bigmark100
bigmark100
NSW
584 posts
NSW, 584 posts
6 Mar 2009 11:03am
Well done for making a stand! good for you.
better friend will come, just you see.
theDoctor
theDoctor
NSW
5786 posts
NSW, 5786 posts
6 Mar 2009 12:01pm
never tolerate or condone t-his behaviour for sure, you were once there and you've 'grown out of it' or 'past it', but think about what it was that helped you 'grow out of it' or 'get past it'. there's a good chance it was a moment of clarity you seized upon, an epiphany that maybe awakened you or even a mate that helped you.... maybe one day if your door remains open and yet your resolve remains set, you can be what helps your mate.
GreenPat
GreenPat
QLD
4107 posts
QLD, 4107 posts
6 Mar 2009 11:18am
www.seanbrindle.com

Stories under the news link tell about the incident, the content of the entire site tells about the impact it had. Sean was one of us. He kited at Scarborough with us. Perhaps if your friend / ex-friend could read and absorb it, and appreciates that drink/drug driving is scientifically proven to worsen reaction times no matter who you are, it might give him cause to think?
busterwa
busterwa
3782 posts
3782 posts
6 Mar 2009 12:44pm
anyways i think that his constant alchol & drug abuse is going to bury him and i am powerless to stop it
the only thing i can do is distance myself from him so he dosent drag me under with him.
poor relative
poor relative
WA
9106 posts
WA, 9106 posts
6 Mar 2009 1:14pm
Hope your friend doesnt end up like this



or worse singing in a bar


evlPanda
evlPanda
NSW
9207 posts
NSW, 9207 posts
6 Mar 2009 4:39pm
You are who you associate with as much as you are what you eat.
Man, I wish I had a time machine.

But, you never know. Your friend's actions may be demonstrating to you very clearly what not to do, and although you seem already to have decided, his actions are only re-enforcing your wise decisions. Perhaps if he wasn't around you'd slip back into bad habits? Just trying to look at it positively, somehow.

I'm actually missing a small piece of my tongue (no, you'd never notice ...unless you're a lady and...) from a "dispute" I had with a friend, not that close though. Now he was pissed and driving a few of us home. I said "WTF?". Argument ensued complete with fisty-cuffs. I lost slightly more.

After he dropped everyone off (luckily) he woke up in a ditch with a blanket on the passenger seat on fire from his ciggy. What an idiot.

I'm gonna guess you are in your 20's? It's pretty common to have a completely different set of friends at 30, if not standard practice.
poor relative
poor relative
WA
9106 posts
WA, 9106 posts
6 Mar 2009 3:03pm
Cassa
Cassa
WA
1305 posts
WA, 1305 posts
6 Mar 2009 3:29pm
Your on the right track Buster, the stand that you are taking is the deffinitely the way to go..... I hope everthing turns out allright for you ,
Just remember - WE are the makers of our own destiny!!!!
Richiefish
Richiefish
QLD
5612 posts
QLD, 5612 posts
6 Mar 2009 10:59pm
You have to be able to distinguish between your real friends/mates, and the hanger on er, goodtime party people. Your real friends are those who give of themselves, especially when you are down . The others are those who would "fob" off a mate who appears to be faltering, to advance their own self centered purposes........................
Durks
Durks
WA
118 posts
WA, 118 posts
6 Mar 2009 10:52pm
First off mate, good on ya, its good that you've been able to take control of your life and remove the stuff that's dragging your own personal experiences down.

I reckon Richiefish is right tho, theres your good friends and then theres the party people.

I was in a situation where I was heavily involved with that sort of stuff couple of years ago, and its perpetuating if thats the only crowd you're gonna hang out with. The party people aren't gonna be much fun if you're not doing the same, but your real mates you should be able to tell between - those guys that still want to hang out regardless. Maybe you can get them into something more addictive :)KITING:))or to appease both sides - wind surfing

Couple of years on I'm still good mates with a core of those 'bad influences' and most of them have come out the other side and we share other interests. The 'party people' I still know but I wont go out of my way to touch base with.
japester
japester
VIC
63 posts
VIC, 63 posts
8 Mar 2009 11:35pm
As noted above, earlier, you are what you eat and your friends are also a reflection of your own self.
I remember hearing something a looooooong time ago, was a recommendation to associate with people who you want to be like. Want to be rich? Loiter with the rich buggers. Want to be a good windsurfer? Hang out with excellent windsurfers. etc etc etc

Want to be a beer swilling druck f*cked id10t? Hang out with others of a similar mind.

I commend you for making your stand. Pushing bad influences away is much harder than it appears, be them beer, drugs or people.
KEARNSY
KEARNSY
WA
1322 posts
WA, 1322 posts
10 Mar 2009 10:49pm

I'm gonna guess you are in your 20's? It's pretty common to have a completely different set of friends at 30, if not standard practice.


Spot on Panda. Im aproaching 30 this year and I guess one of the hardest but best decisions is that you do actually get a choice of the people who get to be ur mates.

There's also mates then there's "mates".

I chose to leave a circle of "mates" who I'd grown up with all through our School years. It was a tough time but looking back now Im left with a perspective of how I was really restricted by that crew.

" Sometimes Life just aint what it seams" JBT

Good work for taking a stand for not only ur self but for other people aswell- A rare quality.

ROck on mate,

Kearnsy

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