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painful jokes

> 10 years ago
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jord070
jord070
WA
1109 posts
jord070 jord070
WA, 1109 posts
25 Jul 2007 12:19am
well im bored, cant sleep and a immature school kid so i thought i would be fun to start a thread of painfully stupid jokes, ill kick it off with two


there ar two fish in a tank, one fish says to the other fish "how do you drive this thing"
________________________________________________________________________

what is the difference between michael jackson and a plastic bag?

one is made of plastic and is a danger to children and the other carries your grocieries.[}:)]
jord070
jord070
WA
1109 posts
jord070 jord070
WA, 1109 posts
25 Jul 2007 12:23am
what do you call a fish with no eyes?





a fsh
Troppo
Troppo
WA
887 posts
Troppo Troppo
WA, 887 posts
25 Jul 2007 1:15am
shouldnt you be studying english or something

eye b4 e except after C

yeah i just got home from the pub
FilthyAmatuer
FilthyAmatuer
WA
877 posts
FilthyAmatuer FilthyAmatuer
WA, 877 posts
25 Jul 2007 1:48am
Which Pub?

It is a Tuesday after all
Troppo
Troppo
WA
887 posts
Troppo Troppo
WA, 887 posts
25 Jul 2007 1:57am
the cott,

wingman needed!!
cwamit
cwamit
WA
1194 posts
cwamit cwamit
WA, 1194 posts
25 Jul 2007 9:23am
more pain


1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

Unique Up On It.


2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

Tame Way.


3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?

They Take The Psycho Path.


4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It!


5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!


6. What Do Eskimos Get >From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

Polaroid's.


7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick.


8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho Cheese.


9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.


10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

Quattro Sinko.


11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk.


12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

Frostbite.


13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?

A Nervous Wreck.


14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef.


15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

Right Where You Left Him.


16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

Because They Have Big Fingers!


17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

Because It Scares The Dog.


18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.


19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?

The Location Of The Dirt Bag.




20. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad kiter?

A Bad Golfer Goes; Whack ... Oh ****!

A Bad kiter Goes; Oh ****!!! ... Whack.




Revhead
Revhead
ACT
372 posts
Revhead Revhead
ACT, 372 posts
26 Jul 2007 1:30pm
why does an elephant paint its toe nails red?
So it can hide in the strawberry patch

why does an elephant paint its toe nails yellow?
so it can hide in the apricot tree.
bubs
bubs
SA
924 posts
bubs bubs
SA, 924 posts
29 Jul 2007 10:31pm
I got a few good (realy realy bad) ones.

Wot do you call a seagull in the desert ....................... LOST!!!

Wots inside of a clean nose ....................... FINGER PRINTS!!!

Why did the dog sit in the shade ....................... BECAUSE IT DIDNT WANT TO BE A HOT DOG!!!

I wont even start to bring out the racisist jokes.

Bubs
Mark _australia
Mark _australia
WA
23685 posts
Mark _australia Mark _australia
WA, 23685 posts
29 Jul 2007 9:22pm
quote:
Originally posted by jord070

what do you call a fish with no eyes?


a fsh


Isn't "fsh" how New Zillander's pronounce it

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee was blowing fouls....

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no d!ck? (If that is all stars, it is "penis")
Still no fv(king idea!


Why don't little boys bathe with michale jackson anymore?
He was always blowing Bubbles... (fr the younger ones here, Bubbles was the name of his pet monkey )


And for the eastern staters

What do you get if you cross Wendal Sailor and John Hopoate ???
Powderfinger.


Now for that last one, I culd not remember Hopoate's name. I needed to look up "the incident".
DO NOT EVER Google "rugby finger anus". Trust me.

easty
easty
TAS
2213 posts
easty easty
TAS, 2213 posts
30 Jul 2007 12:13pm
quote:
DO NOT EVER Google "rugby finger anus". Trust me.


Damm, should have trusted you Mark!!!
Mark _australia
Mark _australia
WA
23685 posts
Mark _australia Mark _australia
WA, 23685 posts
30 Jul 2007 9:16pm
I told u so...........
big gill
big gill
WA
649 posts
big gill big gill
WA, 649 posts
30 Jul 2007 9:47pm
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor???????


























Where's my tractor?
jord070
jord070
WA
1109 posts
jord070 jord070
WA, 1109 posts
30 Jul 2007 10:01pm
what did the farmer say when he saw his cow on the roof?



















how the F*&k did you get there
big gill
big gill
WA
649 posts
big gill big gill
WA, 649 posts
31 Jul 2007 5:59pm
clever jordo very clever
jord070
jord070
WA
1109 posts
jord070 jord070
WA, 1109 posts
31 Jul 2007 7:35pm
sad thing is that is a real joke,
Breenli
Breenli
QLD
40 posts
Breenli Breenli
QLD, 40 posts
31 Jul 2007 9:55pm
What do you get when you cross michael jackson with arnold schwartzeneggar?

Micheal wazzanigga!
Breenli
Breenli
QLD
40 posts
Breenli Breenli
QLD, 40 posts
31 Jul 2007 9:57pm
Why do birds fly south?

'cause they don't want to walk.
DL
DL
WA
659 posts
DL DL
WA, 659 posts
31 Jul 2007 8:42pm
Frog parking only. All others will be toad.
Richiefish
Richiefish
QLD
5612 posts
Richiefish Richiefish
QLD, 5612 posts
2 Aug 2007 5:30pm
whaaarrrrrrrrrr , Grasshopper. When you can snatch the pebble from mySWISH.....you little @#$%
Breenli
Breenli
QLD
40 posts
Breenli Breenli
QLD, 40 posts
2 Aug 2007 9:08pm
What is big, red and eats rocks?

A big, red rock eater!
NotWal
NotWal
QLD
7436 posts
NotWal NotWal
QLD, 7436 posts
3 Aug 2007 2:59pm
Did you hear about the Spanish fireman? He called his kids Hose A and Hose B.
DL
DL
WA
659 posts
DL DL
WA, 659 posts
3 Aug 2007 2:56pm
"Me, drown in Egypt? It'll never happen!" exclaimed Tom, deep in denial.
grumplestiltskin
grumplestiltskin
WA
2331 posts
grumplestiltskin grumplestiltskin
WA, 2331 posts
3 Aug 2007 4:36pm
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre musuem.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van.

However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, the art thief replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
payno
payno
WA
42 posts
payno payno
WA, 42 posts
5 Aug 2007 7:31pm
whats the differance between a duck

one of its legs is both the same
big gill
big gill
WA
649 posts
big gill big gill
WA, 649 posts
6 Aug 2007 6:04pm
payno i think u forgot to type most of your joke mate!!!
decrepit
decrepit
WA
12885 posts
decrepit decrepit
WA, 12885 posts
6 Aug 2007 8:28pm
quote:
Originally posted by big gill

payno i think u forgot to type most of your joke mate!!!


You mean you don't get it?????
Mark _australia
Mark _australia
WA
23685 posts
Mark _australia Mark _australia
WA, 23685 posts
7 Aug 2007 1:36am
It is a very old joke. I believe it is designed to be so nonsensical that the humour is because it is nonsensical. Still not sure if I am missing something though..... Decrep?
stribo
stribo
QLD
1628 posts
stribo stribo
QLD, 1628 posts
7 Aug 2007 1:38pm
A horse walks into a bar.
The barman says : Why the long face?
jord070
jord070
WA
1109 posts
jord070 jord070
WA, 1109 posts
7 Aug 2007 12:13pm
a man walks into a bar oneday... he said ouch!
Richiefish
Richiefish
QLD
5612 posts
Richiefish Richiefish
QLD, 5612 posts
7 Aug 2007 4:47pm
three men, an Irishman a Kiwi and and Aussie, walk into a bar. Barman says, What is this, some kind of joke ?????
DL
DL
WA
659 posts
DL DL
WA, 659 posts
7 Aug 2007 5:36pm
Why don't oysters like sharing?

Because they are shelfish.
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