I've been very much enjoying the continual rants on SeaBreeze and so for the benefit of ……..well me……..I thought I'd put together a How to…. With the hope of raising all of our excellent ranters to the same calibre for the enjoyment of all of us.

1. Write a catchy but partially obscure title, just to get em clicking on the link

2. Wait for a day with a bit of gust factor, summer easterlies in Perth are good, and there are still plenty of readers to enjoy your manifesto

3. Set the scene, tell people how windy it was, then add 5-10 knots to the gusts (Hollywood style)

4. Clarify that 'THIS IS NOT A RANT', it's very important not to lose readers who think you are having a boring old whinge

5. Point out the inherent dangers of your chosen location, blowing onshore, power poles, cars, pedestrians etc

6. Set your cred, you've been kiting for say…. at least 23 years

7. Start listing the actions of d&^kheads you saw

8. List them in point form and give them numbers, this makes it look factual even though it's just your opinion; albeit based on your 23 years of experience

9. Don't be afraid to make your post long winded, readers are not real clever and you have to drum the message home and show them just how exasperated you are

10. Include occasional reminders of how good you are….remember you never did any of these things these d&^kheads did

11. Refer back to a key message that will get all kiters on your side 'we'll lose this spot' is tried and true standard

12. Emphasise the reason you weren't able to actually discuss your issue in person with the aforementioned d&^khead

13. Don't be afraid of using CAPITALS, these were invented for angry people pointing out everyone else's faults

14. Exclamation marks are also essential, stick em in everywhere and although you are angry and eberyone needs your help pronto, re-read your post and put 3 or four extra exclamation marks on every second line

15. Spelling mistakes are really important, you're in a self righteous mood and your information is far more important to the world than spelling or presentation

16. Refer to people as 'Euros' or d&^kheads so locals reading feel safe they are not being referred to

17. Re-read your message one final time, nod at your awesome letter, pat yourself on the back, you're a genius and delete it……noone needs to hear your crap.

18. Go to bed happy and spend your time being pro-active in helping kiters to enjoy the sport safely and help spread a more positive and engaging message