QLD
890 posts
A major earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale has hit
Australia in the early hours of this morning, with the epicentre
believed to be in the South Eastern area of Perth. Victims were
seen wandering around aimlessly muttering, "F'kin 'ell" and
"Whadda baaarst'd".
The earthquake has completely decimated the area, leaving a damage
bill expected to exceed more than $3000. Several priceless collections, including photos from the 'Americas cup',
and the Community Progress Hall, were destroyed in the quake. Three
areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were
woken well before their welfare cheques arrived.
Perth radio reported that hundreds of residents were confused
and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that
something interesting had happened in the area. One resident -
Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a
shock,my little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying.My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Levi-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Jerry Springer later in the morning".
The people of Perth are a resilient community and evidence of a
full recovery can already been seen, with looting, muggings and
car
crime carrying on as normal.
The aid response from local charities has been swift. The Red
Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 cases each of Bundy & Coke and PJ Durries to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include Centrelink booklets, West Coast tee shirts, Acca Dacca cassettes, Holden HSV bedding covers, Priceline jewellery and fine bone china from Bi-Lo.
The Red Cross seeks to raise money for food and clothing, to be
air-dropped as parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in
this disaster. Donations of clothing are in demand. Items most needed
include baseball caps; tracksuit tops (his and hers); flannelette
shirts (female); footy socks; ugg boots; and any other items
usually sold in "Op" Shops.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the
same.
Required foodstuffs include, Pluto Pups (Dagwood Dogs), doner
kebabs, McDonalds, KFC, ice cream and cans of UDL Bourbon and Coke;
Passion
Pop and VB stubbies.
Charities are also accepting cash donations through any Liquorland
outlet. $0.25 buys a ball point pen for filling in compensation
forms; $5.00 buys chips, sausages, gherkins, crisps and blue fizzy
drinks for a family of nine; $10.00 will buy a packet of Winfield
Blues 25s and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
Aid agencies have requested that no tents be sent into the
affected suburb, as the sight of high socio-economic housing is unfair on the residents of neighbouring areas.
According to the Gold Coast Confidential
202 posts
Newsflash
Two plane loads of volunters left the Gold Coast today bound for Perth to assist in the looting!
WA
819 posts
Paulio, you should definitely be working as a professional comic. I hope you are. It's wasted talent if you're not.
Pure gold mate.
WA
247 posts
I always thought que que que queeeeenslanders were the inbred cane cutting deliverence types with no IQ.Paulio has just prooved me wrong.Or maybe he just copied it,or is really a kiwi??
WA
148 posts
no self-respecting west australian would drink that VB s##t or any other of your cat-piss eastern-states beer. Keep sending the ugg-boots and flannellettes though
1156 posts
No one I know over here drinks VB, but there was that time in the pinnaroo toilets, I was taking a piss and this weird looking dude came up to me and offered to" WHOOOOAAAAA"" hang on a sec maybe that story isn't quite fit for a public forum
1156 posts
anyway, he said he'd just arrived from the eastern states and was wishing to make new friends.
WA
247 posts
Must have been hard talking through that little hole in the dunny wall!!
1156 posts
Hey Karl. I was just taking a leak but you seem to know the inside of those dunnies quite well?????????
WA
247 posts
Nah i think the hole in the dunny wall ting is just a myth.A bloke from Queensland once told me it`s quite common over there!
1156 posts
Yeh well this guy said he was from Queens land, he was wearing a ss shirt and said he kited and hung out with some guy named pauly or something like that.
QLD
5283 posts
yeah, unfortunately paulios nan keeps drilling holes with a 40mm holesaw in the public conveniences, and then hides in the next cubicle waiting for a lucky result.
