Haha,
My secret weapon for upwind is the North Race LTD. It points about 15-20 degrees higher upwind than the best twin tip and does it at high speed. It out points most sailing boats and yachts and is so fast you have to pinch yourself to see if the upwind gain is real.
With this board it is possible and even fun to do upwinders.

Now if it would only wave ride or freestyle

Good winds,