dave...... said..
Holls, I gave you a like now give this to your dad.........
RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER
1. lf you pull into the driveway and honk, you had better be delivering package, because you're sure
not picking anything up.
2" Do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at
anything below her neck. lf you cannot keep your eyes or hands off her, I will remove them.
3. I am aware that it considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loosely that
they appear to be falling off your hips. Please do not take this as an insult but you and alt your friends
are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose a
compromise: You may come to my door with your pants ten sizes too big and you underwear showing
and I will not objecl. However, in order to ensure your clothes do not come off during the courue of
your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place
to your waist.
4. l'm sure you have been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing some type of "barrier
method" can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, I will kill you.
5. lt is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports,
politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is
an indication of vlfien you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I
need from you on this subject is "early.'
6. I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girts. This is fine
wth me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my titge girl,
you Wll continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. lf you make her cry, I will make
you cry.
7. As you stand in my hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do
not sigh or fidget. lf you rrvant to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is
putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
lnstead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car.
8. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a raooden stool.
Places where there are no policemen or nuns within eyesight.
Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughier to wear shorts,
tank tops, midriff t-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater and a goose down parkazipped
to her throat.
Gold
