I have found the same thing slammin, if they are doing some kind of work on deck and have their deck lights on, they are lit up like Christmas trees and it's a bit hard to get their aspect in relation to you.
But the other night it was a near full moon (which makes such a huge difference in the enjoyment of a night sail to me, I nearly needed my sunnies

), the ships were clearly visible and easy to see which way they were going and I got a good chance to have a look at their lights. With the different height masthead lights making it even easier to get their aspect.
I then read in The Complete Sailor by David Seidman, these masthead lights are called Range lights.
And then reading this in The Australian Boating Manual by Dick Gandy:
pg 216
2: vertical positioning and spacing of lights
a) on a power driven vessel of 20m or more masthead lights should be placed as follows,
ii) when two masthead lights are carried the after one shall be at least 4.5m vertically higher than the forward one.
b) The vertical separation of masthead lights of power driven vessels shall be such that in all normal conditions of trim the after light will be seen over and separate from the forward light at a distance of 1000m from the stem when viewed from sea level.
So b) is what got me thinking maybe there is something very handy to know that I should learn, to work out how far away they are, but as you say you'd need to know the exact distance between them to work it out.
Still extremely useful to get their aspect, thanks all.
Good link Cisco.
cheers