I’m ashamed to say that my worst ever, at least as far as damage to me in concerned, was at Kiddies Corner at Collaroy just over a year ago.

I was laying prone on the board on a tiddler just coming in after a bit of a session and for reasons I am completely unable to understand, I decided to stand up for the last few metres.

If you know Collaroy you know that the rock ledge comes out a fair way from the rock pool and it juts up again every now and then. I’ve surfed there on and off for over 15 years so I should know better but I just had some sort of common sense vacuum going on in my brain.

I was hardly on my feet when the fin grabbed the rock ledge and I went running forward, off the nose and the left side of my face slammed straight onto the rock with my full weight behind it. Then the momentum carried me forward basically body surfing over the rocks and pulling the top of my short-john down causing major gravel rash all over my left chest and titty.

The worse thing was the ringing pain that went through my head and spine; I really thought I had done a permanently debilitating mischief to myself.

I was on a reasonably newish O’Donnell and the underside of the nose was looking decidedly second-hand.

I had to keep it all secret from the wife because the previous weekend I had rolled a dunebuggy up at Stockton and she had already threatened to take all my toys away.

Mine was surfing the Melasti bank in Kuta - 4-6ft with weird almost maxing out sets.

Copped a 2 wave hold down after taking off on one of the sets thinking it would hold up into the rip. Got to the bottom and just hit foam, fins lost hold and fell off. Didn't penetrate the water enough and got sucked over the falls. So much water was moving I couldn't get to the top, copped another wave over the top before I started seeing psychadelic rainbows as I was running out of breath. Managed to get to the top for a quick breath before copping another on the head. Got washed into the inside and that was me done...for half an hour at least before I tried it again...

9 years ago while surfing a big beachy north of Perth, pulled into a over head barrel.Stuffed it up and copped the nose in my mouth.Felt like I was hit with a base ball bat.
Semi blacking out I made it to the beach,4x4 4km back to town & to the nurses station.
Three fingers could fit into my cheek & swolen jaw,Wife had to drive 1.5 hrs to pick me up.
2 days in hospital with plastic surgery, fractured jaw & whiplash.
Fester

Changu 2006. 3 - 4 foot. Got caught in the impact zone and as I duck dived I had my board ripped out from underneith me and the leggy broke. For the next 30 minutes I copped set after set on my head.The current kept sucking me back into the impact zone. I thought I was screwed and on one occasion in between sets I even started thinking about the family I was going to leave behind. Finally managed to get smashed by one of the bigger waves, which washed me far enough in that I could start pushing off the bottom. I was that physically stuffed by the time I got to shore that my legs were like jelly. Couldn't walk for about 15 minutes. When I mate got out of the water his first comment was "where the **** have you been". If I could have lifted my arm I would have belted him.

Those last 2 stories are so much like the second worst wipeout I ever had, all the same feelings of "well' my time is up, there’s no way I gun’na make it".

Similar deal, broke the leggy on the first wave of a set at the first bomy at Long Reef, tried to swim out of the zone but I first had to dive for the bottom about 4 or 5 times. By the time the last wave of the set came through, I was lucky to be getting a metre or so under.

I just barely managed to swim out of the zone in time and then I had to float around behind the shore dump for ages because it was so bloody big and I was stuffed.

With me, there’s always an additional element of stupidity and this was no exception. There were a couple of cluby’s practicing pickups in a rubber ducky. They were really close to me and all I had to do was stick up my arm and they would have been there in seconds.

That would have been the sensible thing to do but somehow the miniscule amount of functional grey matter inside my dopey skull told me that it would be a wussy thing to do so I braved the shorey and once again almost drowned and broke my neck.

God I was buggered when I got in, I reckon I had sand shoved in places where I didn’t even know I had places to shove sand into. Didn’t help much that I was still a heavy smoker at that time.