I heard this one today. I'll keep it brief:

Duck walks into bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.

Bartender: you're a duck !
Duck: You can see, good for you
BT: and you can talk !
Duck: You can hear too, how where's me beer and sandwich ?

The bartender pours beer and continues

BT: sorry mate, but we don't get many Ducks in here. So where ya from ?
Duck: I am working at the construction site across the road. I'm a plasterer.

Bartender was going to ask more questions but took the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper and starts reading. For two weeks, the duck returned to the pub at lunch time for a beer and a sandwich, then the circus arrived in town. One afternoon, the circus manager enters the pub and orders a beer. Bartender tells circus manager about a duck that comes into the pub every lunch time who talks, drinks beer and eats sandwiches. The Circus Manager keen to meet the duck gives bartender his business card and asks him to pass it on.

The next day, Duck enters the pub for his usual lunch. Bartender says to duck.

BT: Hey mate, I know a job that is perfect for and will earn you good money
Duck: Great, I am always looking for the next job, what is it ?
BT: It's working at the circus. Here is the owner's business card

The duck scares at the business car, ponders momentarily and replies:

Duck: "The circus eh ?"
BT: "yeah"
Duck: "the one with the caged animals and where the workers live in caravans ?"
BT: "yeah !"
Duck: "and it's a big tent with a hole in the middle ?"
BT: "yeah. that's the one mate !"

The duck rolls his eyes and says

Duck: "what the **** would a circus do with a plasterer ?"

^^

Pity the fool who talks to himself.

Sorry.

No offense intended.




Next time I'll try to type something more worth while and classy, maybe I'll try :

'chicks yummy yummy yummy yippy woo chickys'

(little bit of offense intended with that one, but all in good jest)