always blow smoke on the hive before removing the lid.

Always check to make sure that the board fits in the car before closing the back door. This is how i cracked the windscreen

Never apply Tiger balm to anywhere on your body before sex

Just a small variation on Elmos post:

After using Deep Heat or Dencorub, always wash your hands before you pee

Don't leave your lawn mower unmanned if you live on a steep hill.

P.S. Red thumb this post if your a gaylord.

Don't grab the underneath of a lawnmower to tip it up (to check what was happening inside the carby throat) while the engine's running!!!

1. No matter how much of a good idea it seems at the time, do NOT use a meat cleaver to defrost your freezer.

2. Despite him wearing a thick leather gauntlet, do NOT let your flatmate try to stop the freon coming out of the hole in said freezer with his finger. It doesn't work, and it is VERY cold.

Always wash your hands after cutting up chillis. Always, always always if you have an itchy eye.

ANd never fill fuel containers at full speed at eye level either.

Don't go for that one last sail out and back before packing up for the day. Seems like a good idea at the time but always ends with an injury or gear damage.

Never and i mean "NEVER" stick your head in an esky when there's dry ice in it.

Don't drink and park... accidents cause children.

Do not use an oxy acetylene to patch rust holes underneath 1960's Mercedes Benz's without a spotter or a fire extinguisher

The interior floor pan has about 3mm of highly flammable tar on it.

Do not park said Mercedes Benz with the highly flammable interior so you can use the oxy acetylene to patch rust holes underneath next to LPG bottles.

When you are happily working underneath the car thinking all is going well, investigate immediately any sounds which sound like glass breaking.

When you investigate (eventually) the sounds of glass cracking and you find the windows covered in soot DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR as it only provides oxygen to the flames to make a better fire.

DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR NEXT TO THE GAS BOTTLES
DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR NEXT TO THE GAS BOTTLES AND INHALE THE TOXIC SMOKE
DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR NEXT TO THE GAS BOTTLES AND LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN WHILST YOU STUMBLE BLINDLY TO FIND A HOSE.

The fire can be put out with a hose.....eventually.
The crap in your jocks can be hosed out ....eventually

At 16 having to wait for your old man to get home from work to tell him that you torched his Merc that he was restoring is not something that I would wish on anyone.

only the drive train and the front end was recoverable

Do not hang on to the clew of your sail just as wave is about to flip it over. Ended up impaling myself on my fin as it twisted over (it ripped straight through a 4mm of neoprene). Now have a nasty scar right next to a very important piece of anatomy. If it hadn't been so cold (was sailing in the UK) it might not have missed

MikeyS said...

Always wash your hands after cutting up chillis. Always, always always if you have an itchy eye.

And for that reason I have only ever used real chillies once.
Even with your head submerged in a basin of water you can't stop the burning!

Never pick up a soldering iron by the wrong end.

Never stick your tongue out to catch that drip of hot toffee...

elmo said...

Never apply Tiger balm to anywhere on your body before sex

and mikey S


similar kinda experience - deseeding red hot chilli papers all arvo, then went for a piss