Colonoscopy
Being nervous, and embarrassed about my up-coming colonoscopy, on a recommendation, I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are allegedly more gentle and accommodating. As I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous nurse began my procedure
"Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection," the nurse told me. "I don't have an erection," I replied. "I do" replied the nurse. Don't get a colonoscopy in San Francisco.

My doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my arse
i said what for..
he said I need an opinion
i said can you stick two fingers up my arse
he said what for
i said I need a second opinion.

Had a vasectomy a few years back, the doctor had 2 plastic wrapped house bricks on a shelf in the surgery, he said the biggest risk of the procedure was him getting his thumbs caught between the bricks... true story, he thought he was hilarious, apparently the brick joke is a long time standard across that specialist sector.

Years ago I had to go see an Ass doc about a rear end bleed ,anyway he says get up on the examination bench face away from me drop your jocks bring your knees up to your chest ,relax & wiggle your toes ? "wiggle your toes" I say what's that about ? apparently it helps the Sphincter to relax ?
news to me ? anyway I look back over my shoulder into his eyes & tongue in cheek say "you know usually you have to buy me a couple of drinks first before I let you get this far " his look was priceless & no, I'm not Gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that....