Be good to your Mother

Drink beer with someone else's mother and then be good.... really good... to her

Over weight? Windsurf

Depressed?Windsurf

Low mood? Windsurf

Feeling jaded? Windsurf

Bowels not working? Windsurf

Stressed?Windsurf

Possessed?Windsurf

Cramps? Windsurf

Insomnia? beer.....etc

Lose at tennis---windsurf.

Lose at tennis to cheat---family block of rum/raisin dark chocolate.

depressed---windsurf or keep occupied.

insomnia---dream yourself to sleep sailing your fav board/sail.

you are a fat ****---windsurf.

can't get it up---windsurf.

can't find/get a wife---windsurf.

no money to get a pro---windsurf.

Tips for life? OK.....

Never, ever, play leapfrog with a unicorn

never run up stairs or back odds on favourites, they both bad for your heart

Whether it's buying real estate or sex don't forget it's about" position, position, position"

since its been posted about sex, health, tips and pro's this joke seems appropriate

what did the leper say to the prostitute after having sex?

keep the tip!

boom! boom!


while im on a roll...


what do you call a yogaslave prostitute

sloberallovermycochubich

.

thankyou, im here all week!

Minimise your stress by regular exercise and by following this flow chart;

Never eat yellow snow.

OR

Desiderata:

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann c.1920

FilthyAmatuer said...

oceanfire said...

Minimise your stress by regular exercise and by following this flow chart;

Any tips on how you actually let go of stuff that you are worrying about that you cant do anything about? (And dont say excercise).

Wanking?

FilthyAmatuer said...

^^^^ Couldnt that technically be classed as excercise?

Yea but only your arm, so not really proper exercise.

FilthyAmatuer said...

oceanfire said...

Minimise your stress by regular exercise and by following this flow chart;

Any tips on how you actually let go of stuff that you are worrying about that you cant do anything about? (And dont say excercise).

I am not sure how to explain but I started really young..... my teachers use to write it on my reports: "Felix 'could do a lot better if he could give a s**t about school". Attitude I guess and also positif thinking!

FilthyAmatuer said...

oceanfire said...

Minimise your stress by regular exercise and by following this flow chart;

Any tips on how you actually let go of stuff that you are worrying about that you cant do anything about? (And dont say excercise).

It depends on what you're worrying about I guess.

If you're worrying about things like meteors hitting the Earth, then that's just silly.

If you're worried about a situation a loved one has got themselves into and you really can't do anything about it, then there's not much you can do to stop worrying.

If you're worried about something that you can't do anything about now, but can be corrected sometime in the future, then see the chart

newguy said...

Sometimes in life, the best advice is to not give a sh** about anything at all. Somehow when you do, life seems so much easier and things become a lot clearer.

Or expect the worst, that way you can only ever be pleasantly surprised