Nice work people, keep itup.
I have a bit of a horror story but it ended unusally but not to bad.
Embarrasment on it's way but it's for the good!
I was a chauffuer, working for the Sheraton many moons ago, I had to wear this Gestapo type of uniform with jodpers (Like what the motor cycle cops wear and a 10 button grandfather collar type jacket) Yepp I looked quite the tool.
Anyway while crusing through Dalkeith, Peppy grove and Mosman Park with some ladies who had been out for dinner and were lets say not short of being quite tasty.
I had this urge to fart, I had these chicks in the limo for about 45 mins, it was around 10pm and I had been eating Sheraton canteen food and was comming to the end of a 14 hr day. My stomach starts rumbling and I can freakin hear it, then I feel the shift of matter from my mid torso down and start thinking when was the last time I crapped? 10 mins go by and more rumblings, my gut starts to ache, Im getting worried, so I nervously turn to the ladies and say "shall we head home now?" they reply "Oh look we have 10 mins left can we go by the beach?"
Ahhh crap! so off we go, We get to the beach (Cottesloe) and I let these stunners out who are all giggly and happy and I say why dont you go over there and look at the ocean, please dont be long as I have an other job to get to. They oblige why I play the bugle arsed fart of the century, only problem was I had allowed movment and the ladies were cold and wanted to go home now.
Picture me smilling, opening the door and chatting whist clenching my arse cheeks harder that Jane Fonda and Richard Simonds combined. I get the ladies home but I am in pain now, looking back being polite and saying goodbye as I get into the limo to drive off, I try to squeeze off a releif fart..... Bad move!! as I felt the first nugget slip through "Ohh no where the f&*k will I crap this time of night????
As I go down past the river I think stuff it there is a park, it is a bit close to the road but I need a crap. I park the car, lights on motor running and take baby steps to the tree trying to keep the nugget in it's holding pattern.
As I start to drop my strides and squat down I loose balance, fall back against the tree and power **** exactly between my boots and its rising fast but I cant stop, farting and ****ting I spread my stance and avoid the toppling turd touching my shoes and finish the job.
Now I am in a park in a posh suburb dressed like Freddie Mercuries driver with my jodpers around my knees and a hot steaming turd threatening to make my delima a whole lot worse. I fart some more and feel confident that I can stand up and neaten myself up, you all know that you stand but slightly lean forward so you dont squeeze your arse cheeks together and smear sh1t, Dont you??
In the stress of the moment I failed to grap a rag that I used to clean the windscreen, so with my pants around my ankles, a turd between my legs and the limo 20 meters away ideling I remove my boots, pants and jocks and proceed to wipe my arse with my only item of clothing that I can sacrifice, my Reg Grundies
As I wipe my arse very effeciently as I reckond I only would have 2 chances to get the lot, an older couple walking a nosey little dog notice the limo with no one in it and start looking around, I have shuffled around the back of the tree to fininsh the wipe, grab my strides and bolt towarads the water in the shadow of the tree as they thankfully head in the opposite direction, I calmly walk down the road get into the limo and head off hoping that no poor bugger finds my undies ontop of my turd and head towards my last job of the night free ballin.
That was a very stressfull moment in my farting carreer
Regards GT oops I mean my name is Rohan I am from England
