my daughter is 18 months old and is starting to test the boundaries of what she can get away with. when she does something overly dangerous or violent i will give her a slap on the bum. not enough to hurt, just enough to let her know she's doing the wrong thing
our friends seem divided on the issue- half think i'm a barbarian and the others agree with us. (my wife and i think that sometimes a smack is necessary).

so i'm just wondering what other parents do for discipline? do you guys give the odd smack? or is this a relic of the seventies?

(please don't reply unless you're a parent- i was dead against smacking until i had kids)

I know you said don't reply unless you're a parent, but anyway....

I was smacked as a child, still a child now (25) compared to lots of the guys here. I was a bit a 5hit as a kid and as a teenager. My parents were strict but very fair and they dished out a smack when I deserved it and I am VERY thankful that they did. I was never beaten but I was sternly disciplined within fair boundaries and because of that, I've turned out quite well compared to a lot of people I see amongst my generation.

So yeah, I'm not a parent so take what I say for a pinch of salt, but I am thankful I was smacked.

I've got a 4yo boy and a new borne girl. I was of the opinion that smacking was ok cos i got smacked (with belts) when i was a kid and i turned out alright (imo).
My wife was against smacking, coming from a more violent past i can understand her concerns of unnecessary smacking.
With that in mind we have tried all types of discipline from talking at their level to smacking.
I found that with smacking all it did was scare the crap out of my son. It didn't stop him being naughty or 'pushing the boundaries'. When you see you child cowering from you it's not pleasant.
Since then my wife and i won't smack but have resorted to removing his things sometimes for days. He was slamming doors - cheeky monkey - so i removed his bedroom door from the hinge for 2 weeks. No more door slamming.
He loves going to the park, but if he talks back or with 'attitude' no park for 2 days etc..
I personally have found that this action has been the most effective but all kids are different.
The most important thing though is that both parents are on the same page.
They quickly find out who is the good cop / bad cop and will exploit this to no end.
Hope this helps a little.

I'm for smacking in moderation, not hard enough to hurt but yeah as someone said above to show the child there is consequences to their actions. We also take things away from our daughter who is 4 years old and really testing her boundaries when she can. She knows when she has done something wrong and she sort of dobs herself in for it. But her best punishment is to send her to her bed. She hates it

Personally i think everyone's situation is different. With some kids/families it works with some it doesn't.

My kids have been smacked and know they could have if they needed it.

But my honest opinion is most people should stay out of others peoples parenting. You can see if there is a obvious boundary being crossed but then you should act but other wise keep your "Opinions to your selves" Is my motto.

In my opinion by smacking kids we are teaching them that hitting or being violent is the way we solve problems, my wife was against smacking and i didnt really have an opinion either way but with a 6 yo and 3 yo we have never once used hitting or smacking to control our kids, have always found that a quiet calm word down at face to face level with them or removing something such as privileges has the best effect.

dirtyharry said...

mmhard said...
In my opinion by smacking kids we are teaching them that hitting or being violent is the way we solve problems, my wife was against smacking and i didnt really have an opinion either way but with a 6 yo and 3 yo we have never once used hitting or smacking to control our kids, have always found that a quiet calm word down at face to face level with them or removing something such as privileges has the best effect.

This is more like the definition of irony than that other thread. Someone poses the question "do you smack your kids" and a user called "mmhard" replies to say no!!

mm stands for marshmellow

Smacking - definitely YES.

4000 years of acculmulated knowledge and parenting techniques should not go out the window because of a theory by a couple of 'academics'.
If it caused violence wouldn't we see all the baby boomers still in pub fights? No it is the young crew.


Agree with those who say you should be the right kind of persona nd some parents can't do it.

My 7 y/o has been smacked properly twice. Both times it was in combination with short isolation and removal of priviledges for a week ish.

BUT that was after he did it once, go told.
Second time, got told and was warned he'd get a smack.
Third time, got told, removal of priviledges, no dessert, told that he will 100% get a smack next time.
Week later was number 4 and he copped it.
Never ever did it again and tells his friends and his sister not to.

If we continued with step 3 and never moved on the the smack we'd still be saying 'please don't do that it makes us feel bad and .... blah blah" and he'd be a naughty little sh!t still.

Stuthepirate said...
I think 18 months is a bit too young to start smacking. once they get to 3 or 4 it leaves you with no other options.

yeah, but she's too young to have the situation explained to her and too young to equate the taking way of privileges with her earlier bad behaviour.
my thoughts are that once she is old enough to put two and two together and listen to what we ask with more comprehension, then we can stop smacking.

I never had to smack my kids. There was always a simple alternative.

Don't use your hand. Although this may seem bad. I believe that smacking a small child with your hand may cause damage to the child's spine. You smack a nappy and don't cause any pain but the pressure of the smack can cause back damage.

NotWal said...
I never had to smack my kids. There was always a simple alternative.

Foot up the arse

kiteboy dave said...

Mark _australia said...
If it caused violence wouldn't we see all the baby boomers still in pub fights? No it is the young crew.

False logic right there. Young people fight due to testosterone. Nothing more nothing less.

Indeed. I actually edited it, as I write too much usually lol
Well, I submit that you are partially correct, there is also a massive increase in chicky violence, so maybe we can also blame oestrogen and progesterone?


In addition I mentioned the last 10-15yrs as being the most violent we have ever seen, with the prevalence of the one-punch king-hit killing at nightclubs, and increase in aggression across the board amongst young'uns.
Ask a baby boomer about the typical 18 - 20 y/o fight and it was two blokes punched each other. Now it is king kit, kick in the head when down, 5 jump on him and somebody is dead. Road rage was pretty much unheard of 15yrs ago, as was the one-punch thing, suddenly we have specific legislation for those. Hmmm

Coincidence that it involves the first couple of generations of young people who have never had the cane at school, plus smacking is out of fashion, plus more grog at younger ages?
I think not.

Testosterone? yes that negates the baby boomer argument..... but not the fact that gals are getting into punching fk out of each other.

The bleeding hearts would have had u believe for the last 15 yrs or so that smacking increases aggression - however we are experiencing the opposite - so the social engineers might want to gaze into their chardonnay or pot smoke cloud and invent something new ........ cos they have been fkn dead set wrong for the last 15yrs or so.

stamp said...

my wife is 18 months older and is starting to test the boundaries of what she can get away with. when she does something overly dangerous or violent i will give her a slap on the bum. not enough to hurt, just enough to let her know she's doing the wrong thing.

stamp said...

my elderly mother is 18 months old mentally and is starting to test the boundaries of what she can get away with. when she does something overly dangerous or violent i will give her a slap on the bum. not enough to hurt, just enough to let her know she's doing the wrong thing.

Stamp, are you beginning to understand the incongruity of all this ?

hilly said...

sausage said...I'm surprised no one has mentioned the threat of a smack as being as effective as the smack itself.

I would carefully read the posts above as it is mentioned a few times



:)

Well there's your fundamental mistake Hilly...who the hell on Seabreeze carefully reads the previous posts