Area10
If you really want to know how fast you are, enter a race. Just be prepared to feel like throwing your board in a dumpster and giving it all up at the end. Everyone concentrates in races on the one guy who wins. But the reality is that most people at races fail to impress, and one guy comes last, which is rarely a good feeling. So make sure your ego is feeling healthy that day, and keep your expectations realistic.
Or just enjoy paddling for it's own reward. As you have been doing.
Sounds like you are in the wrong races a have the wrong mindset for racing. Winning races is only for the selected few. Most of us are in it for the fun and I think most Up races should be arraged for the masses and not for the elite. Look at distance running thousands of people at 10 K races they have no chance of winning. Be in a race : to try omething new, paddle somewhere else, overcome your fear, Maybe to beat your own best time, beat your buddy/ training partner , share the camaraderie, etc etc. If yo only aim at winning a price theres a good chance of dissapointment.
“Once you realize that the road is the goal and that you are always on the road, not to reach a goal, but to enjoy its beauty and its wisdom, life ceases to be a task and becomes natural and simple, in itself an ecstasy.”
? Nisargadatta Maharaj