dinsdale said...japie said...
Shortly after getting back from England, still bugged by depression I underwent a massive spiritual awakening. No miracles or anything. I had been watching some stuff posted by guys on this site which really made me think and I went to bed one night realising that I would never be depressed again. It was such a huge thing because of the past 45 years of suicidal thinking.
A year later I am still in awe of my changed circumstances. There is a very different person residing in my head to the one that was there a year ago.
I'm on the edge of my seat. So tell us about it. What happened that changed your life so much and so +vely? I'm interested.
I reckon that it was just a large collection of smaller events. When I was coordinating the group I spent countless hours on skype and in writing and reading emails. We had a couple of legal eagles on the team and everything was done very professionally but in complete secrecy.
The whole process intoduced me to the internet in a big way. I was reading massive reports about the child abuse in Ireland etc. but it led to so many diffferent paths. I was only working Sunday afternoons and Tuesday afternoons.
I made a life long friend out of the guy who helped me the most. He loves a Guiness and lives in Forida. He is an avid poetry man and introduced me to Thich Knat Han. I know very little about Budhism but some of his writing makes absolute sense.
So whilst I was going through the whole process I was exposed to a huge variety of concepts. The Zeitgeist movie had a huge impact on me.Whilst not Catholic four years at a Catholic boarding school is pretty intense exposure, in latin. Then there was South Africa and six years at a methodist school. Enough to sow the seeds of doubt and insecurity.
I now have no doubt in my mind that organised religion is nothing but a construct aimed at keeping the proles in check, suffer my little children and then you can come and sit on a cloud.
It is a construct that shields us from our true potential spirituality.
Anyhow when I confronted the bastards face to face the dreams of smashing them had long evolved into something more constructive, but their personal circumstances and the realisation that they were frail and much damaged personalities and the fact that I was much better than they, sort of put them in perspective.
One thing I learned is that if you forgive someone what you do in actual fact is not a favour to him but rather a service to yourself. Because what you do when you forgive is you cease renting out space in your head!
The BBC got hold of the story a while back and sent an interviewer over to Stocko. It is supposed to be on Panorama sometime this month but I am really over the whole thing.
Quite a few of the guys are still very angry but none of them took up the offer to confront them. I think that that was what did it for me
