poor relative said...
I just don't get how a violent aggressive act from a primary care giver can be beneficial for a child who barely knows better.
For an older child there are far more effective strategies you can use that not only makes the child regret their actions but also gives them a sense of responsibility over their behaviour. However it requires consistency and effort from the parent.
I would never under any circumstances hit my daughter......ever.

OK, my example was a 7 y/o stealing

Tell me after step 3 in my process, what would you do?
He has been told 3x and been subject to non-corporal punishment.
He had also been told that if he continued, there would be a smack.
He was warned twice there would be a smack so we have negated the "oh, he is young and does not understand / remember"
What would you do? Continue to say "please don't" and take away the Xbox / Wii / dessert / friend's over / videos?
Until what? Children's Court?

just wondering....? What are your "effective strategies" when they continue to transgress after each "strategy"?


I see people in the supermarket or playground saying "please don't do that" ........ "mummy doesn't like it when you do that" ....... "if you do that then you will be in BIG trouble Mister" and the sh!t goes on and on. In some cases, I see it every bloody time that kid is in the playground and the same weak sh!t is repeated by the parents. I feel like saying to them "OR WHAT??" you are p!ss weak and you kid knows it"



Upon the RARE transgression, I say "Oi, stop it, no more" and what I get back ..... "sorry daddy" and it stops. That is from a kid who has been smacked twice in 7.5yrs.

It is the same as training a dog, a balance of treats and escalating punishment, with the added dimension that kids are smarter than dogs.
The latter is why smacking is essential - if you are weak as p!ss they will see it and exploit it.



(BTW I do not believe hitting an 18mth old is the right way, but this thread is about smacking in general.)

Lock them up! They make to much noise and there's way to many of them!

Pc idiots are ruining this country. Enough said.

If someone is doing something that is anoying you or you deem as wrong you hit them. Not really how we should teach our kids to deal with things in life.

I think it is just an excuse for frustrated parents, who lack good comunication(parenting skills) to expell their own anger by hitting.

poor relative said...
I just don't get how a violent aggressive act from a primary care giver can be beneficial for a child who barely knows better.
For an older child there are far more effective strategies you can use that not only makes the child regret their actions but also gives them a sense of responsibility over their behaviour. However it requires consistency and effort from the parent.
I would never under any circumstances hit my daughter......ever.

Spot on. Thankyou

Mark _australia said...

poor relative said...
I just don't get how a violent aggressive act from a primary care giver can be beneficial for a child who barely knows better.
For an older child there are far more effective strategies you can use that not only makes the child regret their actions but also gives them a sense of responsibility over their behaviour. However it requires consistency and effort from the parent.
I would never under any circumstances hit my daughter......ever.

OK, my example was a 7 y/o stealing

Tell me after step 3 in my process, what would you do?
He has been told 3x and been subject to non-corporal punishment.
He had also been told that if he continued, there would be a smack.
He was warned twice there would be a smack so we have negated the "oh, he is young and does not understand / remember"
What would you do? Continue to say "please don't" and take away the Xbox / Wii / dessert / friend's over / videos?
Until what? Children's Court?

just wondering....? What are your "effective strategies" when they continue to transgress after each "strategy"?


I see people in the supermarket or playground saying "please don't do that" ........ "mummy doesn't like it when you do that" ....... "if you do that then you will be in BIG trouble Mister" and the sh!t goes on and on. In some cases, I see it every bloody time that kid is in the playground and the same weak sh!t is repeated by the parents. I feel like saying to them "OR WHAT??" you are p!ss weak and you kid knows it"



Upon the RARE transgression, I say "Oi, stop it, no more" and what I get back ..... "sorry daddy" and it stops. That is from a kid who has been smacked twice in 7.5yrs.

It is the same as training a dog, a balance of treats and escalating punishment, with the added dimension that kids are smarter than dogs.
The latter is why smacking is essential - if you are weak as p!ss they will see it and exploit it.



(BTW I do not believe hitting an 18mth old is the right way, but this thread is about smacking in general.)

Maybe its about the lead up to this incident and how things are handled over the previous 7 years.

fingerbone said...
You just have to look at schools.
Since corporal punishment was removed the kids do and say what they want...
Respect to elders is zero..
The threat of a smack from parents is only worth something if a good smack has been handed out previously.
I tell you now I would much rather smack my kids than have to visit them in hospital for being run over by a car or something.

the reason why kids do what they want and respect for elders is zero is that as a society our ideas beyond beating the crap out of some kid for being a little **** are limited ,as someone else said here there are strategies for dealing with out of line behaviour they are hard work and take commitment ,something that many adults could not be bothered with and would prefer a return to the bad old days of corporal punishment .
I have been the victim of many adult crimes and have thought that putting them in the stocks might be a good idea so that people can spit on them humiliate and abuse them throw **** at them but i m not so sure that this is the best thing after the outrage towards them and their crime passes and I think perhaps a more considered and ,civilised and compassionate approach is warranted

poor relative said...

Mark _australia said...


Tell me after step 3 in my process, what would you do?

So if you ask your wife not to do something twice and she continues to do it do you hit her?
Your neighbour parks on your verge you ask him twice not do it but he continues to do so do you hit him?
So why would you hit your child to 'teach them a lesson'?

I guess we are all different and we all have different ideas of bringing up kids but bringing them up to live in fear of being hit if they do something naughty IMO is a bit weird.


EDIT: Somebody told me once - you cant motivate change with a negative.

We are talking stealing. My wife would not commit a ciminal act (a) she knows better and (b) she would be subject to the LAW. However a 7 year old is not subject to the law as he is too young.

The parking on the verge thing is just ridiculous.

None of you anti- brigade have yet told me what these "effective strategies" are?
After he has been told repeatedly, had priviledges removed, explained to him by mum, dad, auntie, the policeman down the road, the teacher, escalating punishments each time and lots of talking and then he still steals for the 4th time what do you do??

Mr float said...

lotofwind said...
If someone is doing something that is anoying you or you deem as wrong you hit them. Not really how we should teach our kids to deal with things in life.

I think it is just an excuse for frustrated parents, who lack good comunication(parenting skills) to expell their own anger by hitting.

agreed

Who says it's done in anger?

A smack in front of their friends even better. Embarrassment is a great tool for instilling discipline.

NotWal said...
I never had to smack my kids. There was always a simple alternative.

Threaten them with Catholic school?

Mark _australia said...

After he has been told repeatedly, had priviledges removed, explained to him by mum, dad, auntie, the policeman down the road, the teacher, escalating punishments each time and lots of talking and then he still steals for the 4th time what do you do??

Give him the time and attention he is screaming out for?

poor relative said...

Mark _australia said...

After he has been told repeatedly, had priviledges removed, explained to him by mum, dad, auntie, the policeman down the road, the teacher, escalating punishments each time and lots of talking and then he still steals for the 4th time what do you do??

Give him the time and attention he is screaming out for?

Mike we very rarely agree on anything in topics such as this and that is fine. I reckon you are a good bloke and got the guts to say what you think whether anyone agrees or not.

But that comment is insulting and just deadset fkn rude. You have no idea how close my son and I are, and just because you subscribe to the new age way does not automatically mean my son needed discipline due to one of my failings like lack of attention.

It is the same as training a dog, a balance of treats and escalating punishment, with the added dimension that kids are smarter than dogs.
The latter is why smacking is essential - if you are weak as p!ss they will see it and exploit it.

So you give your kid a smack because he's been caught stealing.
Then he steals again because there's some underlying issue that hasn't been resolved.
So do you
a. beat him harder
b. find some other method of dealing with the problem

I'm not gonna say a smack is never neccesary but it is for extreme cases only IMO.

Haven't smacked my son for about 4 years (he's nearly 10).

Last time I did, sure he was being naughty and really pushing my buttons but it was more about my lack of patience and being worn out at the time.

Yes, he did ask for it (he tried to get pushy shovey with me) but my reaction was OTT (in hindsight).

Smacked his hand (that he tried to punch me with) real hard! Felt pretty bad about it, Haven't raised my hand since. Haven't needed to as have found thinking it through (and a few deep breaths) a better practice.

It;s too easy to smack and teaches your kids vthe wrong message IMO, especially if used regularly.

Just my 2c - feel free to beat your kids if you think that is the best message to instill.