newguy said...
Hate to bring this topic up again especially on a friday night. Yet I'm struggling and finding it harder to honestly look my mates in the eye and talk to them about this. The blokes laugh it off. The girlies dramatize it or dunno how to respond. Hence online help (anonymity at it's best). Has been a while that I have felt l'm dragging this massive weight across my shoulders. Going through the motions up by 5, mountain loads of work dragged home working endless through the night.
To add to that juggling familial responsibilities and expectations chucked onto a bloke trying to live his OWN life while guys my age are out partying, travelling and living. The insurance claims, household bills, problems I've been dealing with this stuff since I was able to walk and speak english (migrant family, you'd think I'd get use to it by now). Had to grow up young when looking after the family was left to me.
Now I feel as if everyone's moving on in life and I'm stuck behind. Just going through the motions. I'm writing this as my mates get pissed and ready to hit the town. I'm too drained; notes and data piled on me desk waiting to me finished.
Guess I'm posting here because where surfing use to be my solitude to get away from it all, even offshore, 3m swell tomorrow isn't getting me up and going no more. I look at my boards and where once my heart raced at the thought of good waves down south, I just look away now. Yeah I know, some of you may give me the 'harden up' talk as you normally do but this is different. It doesn't feel like the one where next time you'll charge down that big wave or get yourself up after being knocked out by a surfboard, I can deal with that easily. But this, it's almost as if you have this shadow following your every footsteps; when you go to bed and as it greets you in the morning.
Anyone ever been to this place? How'd you sort things out?
You already sound like you're ahead Newguy, maybe your mates don't understand cause they can't relate to it, but being a good person, hard working and helping others ain't that bad a place to be. Getting pissed and rooting chicks is great fun but don't think it ever made anyone a better person. Anything good you do now will pay off in the long term.
As for the whole surfing thing, you are just looking at it as a chore now instead of feeling like you used to, I think you gave your reason for surfing, it's your escape, you just need to think of it like that when you paddle forget everything and just enjoy what your doing at that moment..
Now. Harden the **** up....
. But honestly there has been 2 very good websites posted here, if all feels to much call them.. 1 in 6 people will suffer depression of some sort in there life so don't feel any shame talking about it mate.
