I'm bored schitless, if you are equally bored.... as many words as you like and as mental as you can make it....

The Hyperspace drive had finally been perfected in 6195, and the universe had been explored for 1 thousand years........

One of the Universes great cosmic-cloud surfers was Hardie the 303rd, descendant of the famous Hardie the 1st from the seabreeze forum that was disbanded in the year 2009 when it was discovered that Laurie was in fact Waveslave, and had had a sex change operation, and had married a Poor Relative who was later charged with Bigamy.......... But that is another story.......

At the MilkyWay Galaxy Championships of CosmicCloud Surfing the leading contenders in the speed division were SlowSpaceship with a Galactic record of 14,033 knots closely followed by Elmo 3303rd with the second highest speed of 13,969 knots.........and hardie (the 303rd) who was the upcoming star of the Cosmic-Cloud Surfing, had to withdraw because of a hyperspace accident where he catapulted doing 3.6 million revolutions, slightly straining his lower back, aparently a genetic weakness??........... However, Rumours suggest it was something completely different that kept him out.......

… The intergalactic “sound”wave and isobar jump competition was in full swing.
WindyMiller the 302nd and Greenroom the 290th (just a little tacker) were favourites for the comp, but the badly disfigured (a legacy of Lead poisoning back in his dim dark history) Mark_Aus (303rd) was the dark horse.

The last in a long line of defunct KGB operatives, Kremlin 305, back from gaffa taping grommets to leftover space shuttle fuel tanks …

....... unfortunately, the left testicle later escaped causing mayhem and eventually the complete collapse of the Galactic Roundabout Creation Corporation, as it made the greater universe almost completely un-traversable by its incessant creation of roundabouts bypassing all solar nebulars .....

.... the right testicle however, was enjoyed by the warden as part of a shishkebab ....

ugly fat people everywhere so grumples decided to rectify said situation by.............

as one day grumples was lured into a den of sex by a beast from planet wheebom as his clothes were torn from his body a secret that Grumples had been hiding for many centuries was discovered he was in fact ...........

s incredibly good looking, but somewhat evil twin.

He also discovered that breast milk was the ideal medium for holding speed trials in so he conned Poor Relatives left testicle to build a lake, surrounded by roundabouts, out near Kalgoorlie and filled it with breast milk.

The testicleless PRellie, started a kite company called Brest.....

...... for instance, having set up "Poor Relative Brothers" Fishing Co-Op (an obvious dig at another 20th century family conglomerate), he systematically went about devastating the fish stocks of the Hardie dynasties string of planets, once known as the Mandurahine Peninsularative Galaxy.

It was during one such intergalactic fish extraction mission, that Poor Relative let slip to the former top dog fish executive, Hardie, about his clandestine activities with Kremlin and the now defunct KGB .....

Poor Relative broke down, telling hardie how Kremlin had taught him everything he knew including "where to be for catching of much fish", "how to be of salting fish - very nice for certain yar" and most importantly "drinking much vodka for with eating many pounds of salty fish".

"Once I got the taste for salty fish I just couldn't stop" Reli confessed to his heart-broken friend.

Roo,hearing the conversation from the end of the bar,''there's still plenty of mullet back on earth,even though they taste a little like a mercury filled gum boot they still possess nuitrients for survival''...

..... or was it? Rooey as a member of MI5 was also aware that Rellie 1 (before the unfortunate testicular incident) had also been a member of MI6. Rellie had risen in the ranks of MI6 eventually gaining the number of 0069, licenced to lick.

Rooey's bosses were sure that Rellie had taken this licence to lick and applied it with far too greater relish. Famous women had been licked incognito for far too long and the bosses at MI5 wanted ....

........ hardie had desperately wanted to get one of those "licenses to lick" but had been deemed to have been genetically deprived in that area of his anatomy........ Even with Laser linguoplasty he had not been able to meet the standards that had been set by Poor Reli.......

....and although the genetic morphing of hardies genitils was in some ways embarrrassing it did indeed allow hardie to fully morph into a 6'3" penis.
Whilst this caused contraversy in various parlimentary houses throughout the galaxy a hairy red beast (who enjoyed being tickled) from the furthest corner of the most distant galxy heard rumours of this amazing morph and came to investigate, a long stretch of drool following behind him......

Meanwhile, hardie was deeply troubled about his relegation - the low-gravity environments of The Universe meant that many a "boosting" kitesurfer had disappeared into the remote outer galaxies.

He had also witnessed the degeneration of waveslave after he too went to the dark side...

.... although he was excited by the possibilities that have extremely large ears would allow. Extra high boosting for one ....

... it was this repressed schlong size and extended ear growth, that distinguished many a Kiteboarder. They appeared to be developing as a sub-species of mankind, whereas the pole(emphasis on pole)boarders had ascended into pure energy and could now quadruple backloop of the smallest of intergalactic chop ...

"Holy kn HELL. Didya see that huge red hairy thing. CHRIST! its comin this way. Red alert!". Over the Klaxon wail the steadily increasing noise and ferment of terror drowned out Rooeys sibilant lisping and every eye turned to face the new threat. "Get that ****en photon torpedo loaded or we're all dead". In their haste they failed to notice it was Hardie the 6'3 penis that they shoved into the launch tube ...