WA
4133 posts
......... maybe the older and hairyier the better thought hardie..... as he looked romantically towards the couch where the the delicate old but evildecrep lay snoring.......... Hardie thought to himself.... "I've never seen anything so beautiful in my entire life".... and began to sob uncontrollably.......... When he had finally stopped crying he lent over and kissed the evil decrep, gently on his lips....
WA
2331 posts
could this be the one thing that Decrep did not expect.
Injecting opponents with sperm producing nanobots was one thing, but being kissed by a goateed superpschoanalist was something completely different ... would he be able to cope...
... what would Mrs Decrep say ....
WA
9106 posts
Decrep responded by slapping the dirty bi sexual with a half full cup of milo and told him who do you think you are you dirty whore.....elmo?
WA
9106 posts
just then Mrs De'crep entered the shed keen to see the progress being made on the board and was shocked to see what she did.
Grumps naked smeared head to toe in Lemon meringue De'crep thrashing hardie with a cup of Milo in his best slippers that were for sundays only
that it she said and out came the rolling pin
WA
4133 posts
........ hardie knew he wasn't gay ..... not that there was anything wrong with that......... he was just going through an experimental phase in his sexuality.......... he eventually settled back into sleeping with hyenas which were the true erotic beast of the universe.......... Who do you think invented the doggy position? No not dogs you imbeciles it was the humble hyena... It just never sounded as good......... Try it out............... Told ya!!!!
WA
9106 posts
and proceeded to beat elmo who was as elmo does sliding up beside her
WA
2331 posts
how fast can you beat me said elmo
can I attach a GPS to that pin????
ow, ow, ow, ow feck, off he ran, which distracted decrep just long enough....
WA
9106 posts
to realise sleeping is best and off he went again despite HArdies best efforts to lick his cheek
WA
4133 posts
......... "Your Nuts" said Reli to the innocent Puppet flower.... Hardie...... "Who Mwa" said the gentle little tadpole.......... What hardie didn't like was competition, noticing Elmo sliding up against Mrs D who was one of the Universes most wonderful women,.... though no one knew how she could ever have married the evil one....... He thought Elmo you have just crossed a line you will never return from now, you unspeakable beast......
WA
2331 posts
Hardie was completely nonplussed...
I cant type fast enough, his brain screamed.
Hyenas, lemon meringue, old grey bearded lips, its all too much....
WA
9106 posts
arrrrrrr said the pirate captin
WA
2331 posts
The Nebbian had also fallen asleep, at Decrepits feet, seeing as how it was midnight in their melded consiousness....
now is the time to sink the boots into the banana benders thought the gang of West Aussies ... even though Hardie was a converted victorian and rellie a Welshman which in itself was paradox .... how could a welshman be a superhero??????????? ...
WA
4133 posts
......... Grumples mind had not yet evolved.... it could not meld with higher levels of consciousness......... he thought what higher intellectual beings did was Inverted Commas "Worrying" lifting his 2 index fingers and doing wobbly rabbits ears.... Expand your mind..... take in what the universe has to offer....... he began to yell at Grumples....... But he couldn't stay mad at the gorgeous creature..... particularly as the windwarrior top he was wearing rapped itself snuggly around his chest defing his pectorial muscles.... "It Ok sweet muffin" cried hardie come to daddy.......
WA
6277 posts
With a noise like a thousand people all simultaneously saying the word "Wop", the nebbian collectively turned into a pumpkin, to the accompaniment of several keyboards melting down.
"You're on your own till morning", came a disembodied voice.
"Wonder what people will think when they calculate just how quickly this hit 3 pages?"... mused the voice, as it faded away into oblivion.
WA
2331 posts
Grumples mind tried hard to meld, mmmmmmmmmmmm, too hard he thought, I cant get past this burning sensation in my lap, bloody laptops getting too hot he thought.....
arrrrr Peg Arm and Black nuts swept back onto the scene.
Stealthily sweeping in, they grabbed the sweet ol Mrs Decrep....she'll be great for flogging the swabs they thought, did you see her giving it to that elmo guy, whaaahooo ......
WA
9106 posts
and then everyone left and went home to their various families in their part of Australia.
All were weary from their escapades, especially elmo who had lost half of his body weight, and all looked forward to a weekend of wind ahead
WA
4133 posts
.........Now that Hardie had recovered from the emotional shock of discovering how beautiful Decrepit looked lying asleep on the bean bag, with dressing gown slightly undone, and his slippers worn in a provocative fashion....... hardie was now ready to deal with what ever the universe was about to serve up..........
WA
6277 posts
... which happened to come in the form of a tasteless, strangely odoured cup of something that almost, but not quite, was completely unlike a cup of tea.
This was being brought forth on a silver tray, with all the trimmings, by a beautiful specimen of the X-Man variety.
WA
4133 posts
........ Hardie had developed a taste for tea from the planet ZenCroft33, he preferred a roasted variety of tea leaf, and was shocked to find that the tea that he was being served was of an unroasted variety...........
........he quickly enacted his mind meld with the Nebulous One and psychicly stated "If I don't get some decent tea served very soon I'm cancelling the particle physics pizza I ordered from you 2 weeks ago!!!!!"........ and I'm not coming to your fancy dress party this saturday nite........"You are a mind melding geek!"... hardie was often cruel with his tounge, he wasn't afraid to use litotes, hyperbole, parody, and even the occassional sarcasm!!!!
WA
6277 posts
The Nebbian hive-mind retreated in horror. Had they unintentionally tipped the balance in favour of what their learned professors called a "Faux Pas"? Or was it all a cunning ploy to
change the way of thinking of the great, omniscient Lurker*?
Nevertheless, they boiled the kettle for the fifth time that day. Only once had they had the presence of mind to actually tip the hypercritical liquid from the vessel, they inundated the dried grounds with a steaming liquid.
"Hey, man, I think you need this", a voice from the deep exclaimed. The shadows parted to reveal...
* The Great, Omniscient Lurker was believed to be an organism that followed all aspects of a particular hyperweb forum, consisting of a matrix of minds, all linked together with a common heritage. Occasionally a renegade mind would emerge, calling itself all manner of schizophrenic monikers, desperately crying out for attention.
WA
4133 posts
........mmmmmmmmmm.......Roasted Tea Leaf at last........ A warmth began to envelop his inner soul......... the sweet aromatic scent of cinamon flakes and dried apricot pavlova, late harvest, roasted with winter sawn Karri ashes and snowgum charcoal..... His favourite..... The mind meld had worked......... his need to be verbally brutal subsided...... and for a nano-second he felt at peace with the universe...........
WA
6277 posts
"I'll have that thanks!" Exclaimed Decrepit, grabbing the cup of steaming tea and pouring it into his slippers.
"Can't have infinite improbability without a perfect cup of Joe" he added.
Something about that last sentence made his brow furrow. What could it be?
WA
4133 posts
........... hardie's cover had been blown.......... Joe was an alter ego from a previous life......... Joe had been sentenced to 10 to the power of 9 Life sentences for crimes against humanity...... he was a man under threat, every neural synapse filled with the neurotransmitter dopamine, his mind began to decompensate into a psychotic regression, "MWA..HAHAHA".........
WA
6277 posts
... Meanwhile a small red creature from the planet Semase Treets started jumping up and down, screaming something about a footstrap.
The nebbian mind started to wander. Would the science fiction thread be a regular occurrence for a Friday night? Or would it degenerate into a tiny two-person chat room, one of whom really and truly should be outside with a dremel and a screwdriver...
The trees were rustling with a promise of wind to come. A long drive awaits the souls willing to brave the inclement weather tomorrow...
WA
4133 posts
...... hardie had outdone himself this time...... his reply was that hillariously funny that he slipped off his chair and accidently wiped the response causing the server to breakdown.....
......He was heard exclaiming vile profanities across the Horse Head Nebula galaxy.........
......Yes friday nights were a poisoned chalice for the old hardie....... his brain experienced flashbacks of alcohol and drug induced orgies.......Billions of neurons and dendrite spines had atrophied, he was an his last sustainable quota of neurons and could not afford to lose another lest he change from human form to that of a vegetable ready to be boiled in a hearty winter soup,,,,
WA
2331 posts
Decrep absent mindedly slipped his foot into his slippers instantly scalding the wrinkly flesh on the hot tea.
"what the hell" he exclaimed in an infrenquent cuss.
The infinite improbability suddenly transported him back to his living room where a particularly boring footy match was taking place.
Hang on, its not my living room, thats Grumps there and the bast**d is catching some zzzzzzzzzz's
VIC
123 posts
Meanwhile a faint howl coming from the magestic pine tree's moaning at the wind as it whisks up the green velvet hills and enter's the dimly lit forest, Followed by a violent crack which shook the earth from what could be mistaken for a strike of horrific lightning brighter than any light ever emitted.
WA
12885 posts
You mean that white hot plasma, sort of stuff, that's making the ground, dissolve into a noxious green mist where it struck?
WA
12885 posts
I thought that was just Mrs Grumps baking more cakes!
Keep telling grumps he should buy her a new stove, that old atmospheric ion induction model is almost as old as I am, (several centuries anyway).
But I'm rambling again, don't think her stove would produce that violet afterglow in the stratosphere.
Looks more like the aftertrail of a vogon scoutship from one of their intergalactic cruisers.
Are they mad at Hardie for plagiarizing their poetry???
WA
2331 posts
Grumps actually had just recently purchased said stove, caused him all sorts of problems having to have kitchen cupboards remodelled, which was why he was so hell bent on destroying the universal discounter once known by the psuedonym of Harvey Norman.
It was now well known that Harvey Normal was in fact and evil alien sent to destroy the lives of all well meaning husbands ........
